I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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