she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
