he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Welp...herpes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
