Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
