i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
