pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I smell stomach acid.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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