I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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