I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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