So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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