It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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