I am midnight drunk by noon
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
