Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
