what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
