You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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