Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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