You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
