no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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