he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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