Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
