I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
