I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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