Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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