Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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