Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i will never coherently bang her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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