Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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