you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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