I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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