remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
whose parrot is this?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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