My boss' voice literally gives me gas
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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