he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
