Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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