so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
