Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
