Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
