Will you blow on my dice?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
