its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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