i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
