I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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