Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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