never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
