woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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