am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
