Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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