walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
