Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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