he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
