So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize