Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
