my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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