one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
