I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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