oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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