I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
