Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
