What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You ruined the universe
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
