you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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