Your face is a jimmy john
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
