Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So drunk its hurt
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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