I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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