Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
