It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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