YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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