Just fell off a train. Bad.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
