literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
