I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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