I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
