I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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