It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
