Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
