textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
