like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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