Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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