Sry I called you an 8
Don't make out with my wife yet
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I want is dick and wine.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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